A birthday to remember

Not too long ago I celebrated my birthday for the 28th time.
 Isn't it funny how the whole experience changes in your lifetime? When the practice first begins you have no idea what’s going on. Everything is just noise, the taste of cake and some kind of fluffy toy being stuffed in your face.  Then it becomes the most important day of your life.  A birthday’s success is measured in balloons, presents, cakes and party games. Later the birthday signifies getting older and becoming an adult. When you finally hit the ages 16 right up to 21 it’s sensational.  The whole adult world is opening its door to you. Hand me booze, voting cards and independence!!!

In my mid-twenties birthdays took another turn.  The excitement from previous years was gone and I wasn't really sure what I was meant to be celebrating. It just seemed like an excuse to drink yourself silly and gets cards. After a while it led to me doing a lot of soul searching, pondering on all the things I hadn't done yet and feeling washed up. In hind sight I see how wrong I was and over the top, but I cannot laugh at it.  In life we put a lot of pressure on ourselves, even if no one else does.

This year my birthday began with an alarm, very early in the morning. Before I knew it, I was climbing upwards in the dark, cursing myself for not rolling over and going back to sleep. I had a day off, what the hell was I thinking? Even the littering of glow worms couldn't shake my bad mood.
 Then dawn began to creep up and as we reached the pass, a cloud fall came into view.  Moving just like a waterfall, the cloud tumbled over the Arthur valley.

The opposite valley looked like a glacier, with a thick sheet of cloud obstructing the view below. It looked so solid I thought I could walk on it.  Only the mountain tops rose from the vapor.

For a long time I watched this scene, this spectacle of nature and thought ‘I am so thankful to see this.’  If I’d stayed in bed I would have had no idea what I was missing, this whole phenomenon would have gone unseen by the world.

The rest of my day was brilliant; I got a kick ass cake, brunch in bed, got cards and books in the mail and was taken to a cave area I’d never explored.  But it’s the cloud fall that will always stay in my memory.
In my life, I’ve had an assortment of birthdays; some sugar high, some drunk, some sad and some happy. But this one was a whole new kettle of fish.  This birthday I felt I belonged. I was in the right place at the right time and I’m eternally thankful for it.

Reclaiming my Body

I don't exactly know when it started or how long it's been going on, but finally my body has told me enough is enough. It’s given me warnings, plenty of time to change but now that’s got to stop, or else.
As you get older, I know your body changes. My mother has informed me several times that the body gets new lumps and bumps, wrinkles and sagging.  It’s part of the ageing process, I know this. All you can do is accept it and move on.
And I totally get this. Really I do. Smile marks and laughter lines are a sign of a life well lived. But in recent years I have found it difficult to accept one thing; that now, well into my late twenties, my body cannot cope with the diet and lifestyle choices that are typical in the western world.
 I should have been in the best of health. In recent years I've drastically cut down on consuming alcohol, have my eight hours sleep, don't smoke and eat good hearty meals. But the Tale-tale signs began to show that my body was not receiving the tender love and care it deserves.  Gaining weight around my abdomen, modelling pasty, dull skin, brittle hair and suffering from constant tiredness have led me to look at what I'm putting into my body.
However, when tackling nutrition, I really had no clue where to start. I mean, if you go by the news Everything gives you cancer these days, it’s hard to distinguish between well founded science and, if you excuse my language, utter horse shit.  I wanted to know why my body was doing the things it was and how to stop it.  I asked some health-wise friends and was recommended two books.  By reading 'Escape the diet trap' by Dr John Biffa and 'beauty from the in inside out' by Dr Libby Weaver I got a bit of a reality check on how much work my poor body was having to go through with the crap I feed it. Most damaging of all was refined sugars and processed foods. No surprises there... but the effects of carbohydrates were. I was brought up to believe cereal was a healthy option and 'low fat' was good for you. If these books are to be believed, we’ve all been duped and I do not like being made a fool of. I can do that all by myself thank you very much food companies!

And so, I've been making some changes, testing out ways to live a little more healthily and bring back my zing.  Using myself as my very own guinea pig I've testing out a heap of healthy life options and am busy finding out what works for me.  Although losing a little tummy flab would be grand, the main goal of this is to improve my energy levels and safe guard myself from disease in later life.  This is not a journey to look like the bizarre ideal body in western culture. It will also not be a story of cutting out food amounts or saying goodbye to unhealthy, yummy things forever.  I love foods, especially sweet things. I also love caffeinated drinks and I a number of alcoholic beverages.  But I want to make them an indulgence, not a staple.
 It’s a long road ahead trying to kick habits that have lasted a lifetime, but I hope with a little bit of patience and dedication, I can reclaim my body and feel fabulous again. I'll be getting back to you with what I try and test, so watch this space…
Has anyone else out there felt like this? If anyone out there has any health tips on improving energy levels (tips on taking up a cocaine or speed habit left aside) or if there's a super food you swear by, please let me know!

The lump in my breast

I’ve been contemplating this post for a while.  Half a dozen times I’ve started writing about the lump in my breast and then drawn a blank. So please bear with me if my writing is a little disjointed and much personal than normal. But I want to be honest, which isn’t always the most beautiful word out there.

It was just a slight touch, a quick sweep of my hand across my breast plate.  That is how I found my lump; in the kitchen, cooking up dinner for Me and Zim.  By the time he got home from work I was already a nervous wreck.  'It’s probably nothing' he told me, but I didn't sleep all night.

The next day I went to the Doctors. 'It’s probably nothing but you'll need to run some tests in Christchurch' they said. It would be over a week until I'd be leaving Queenstown and heading up north.    That’s when my imagination really went into overdrive.  You see, my brain has this coping mechanism, where it goes through all the bad scenarios I can think of. That way, perhaps I'll be a bit more prepared; maybe the worst news won't be such a blow.

Visions of Cancer were everywhere. Coincidently, 'breast cancer awareness month' had just started. Pink ribbons were being sold on every street, Cancer was discussed on every TV channel and I was even confronted by a giant pink bra in Wanaka. On a couple of occasions, I did internet searches on breast cancer treatment, survival rates and even wig options.Yeah. I did that.

 All the time I kept asking myself the same question: What if its cancer?

Of all the things that entered my head, one answer panicked me the most.  If I was sick, I'd have to go back to England - very quickly.  It wasn’t the idea of the U.K, with its kick ass sense of humor and endless cups of tea that frightened me. I love England – it’s the country that raised me, where the majority of my family live and has un-confusing clothes sizes.  It was because it’s a country where Zim, my partner, wouldn’t be able to go with me, at least straight away.  In England he would be the foreigner and have no legal right to work.  The idea of going through something terrible was bad enough, but to loss him too was just too much.  Later, in the middle of sleepless nights the really wild and crazy thoughts seeped in. I thought of painful chemo, losing my hair, becoming infertile and dying before my time.  I prayed to a higher power out of sheer desperation.  For the first time in years, I was petrified.  This wasn’t supposed to happen to me. Cancer happened to other people; Friends of friends and the aged.

It was this event that was the catalyst for my lack of blogging.  All my excitement and enthusiasm for our impeding trip across the south island and our adventure to the wilderness went out the window.  How could I talk about plans that might not happen?  I could only thing about my lump and couldn’t really say much until the biopsy was back.  It was only after we left Queenstown that I began to relax and find some peace.  Even with the giant bra attack in Wanaka, the change of scenery helped me unwind.

When we reached Christchurch, the apocalyptic setting of rubble and damage did little to calm my nerves, but getting the ultrasound and biopsy out the way did. I realized I was doing everything right and whatever the results said I could make it work.

Just before my job in Fiordland was set to begin, the results were in. The lump was benign - the most beautiful word is the world.  No cancerous cells were detected. I was free to stay in New Zealand.

In turned out my breast lump was not a story of cancer. It was one of over-reaction and wild speculation.  I learnt that breast lumps aren’t always Cancer, they are just there, which by the way media NO ONE HAS EVER TOLD ME. Do an awareness week about that some time.  With the news I felt shame. A dear friend just lost a parent to cancer and here I was, just getting my knickers in a twist over the idea of the disease. 

On the whole, however, I felt so thankful to the universe; for my freedom and the ability to stay on my chosen path. I’m was thankful for having a loving family, that even though I was thousands of miles away, gave me so much support.   And I knew, from my over the top worrying, that what I’m doing right now is what I want.  I’m not drifting aimlessly; I’m experiencing and exploring this planet in my own sweet time.

It’s not hard to see that my anguish awaiting the test results was pretty much self-inflicted, but the whole ordeal has, in some ways, changed me. I’ve spent the last six months putting those changes to the test.  I don't want to just exist, I want to live. I want to take part in the world around me and do the things I always said I would.  I want to look after my body, treat it with the respect it deserves.  But most importantly, I want to fill my life and those around me with happiness and love.

So here's to following happiness, with my lumpy boob in tow.

Helen x

Image from here

7 bloggers that are awesome

        *Picture from here

I love blogs and reading about the lives of strangers.  I'm kind of weird like that.  Although I read a variety of blogs, there is a pattern forming from the ones I really love. It seems I like blogs that are a personal journey, following the blogger's life and passions. Most are travel blogs but I just can't connect with ones that solely concentrate on tips and country counting. For me, I want to relate to the posts and be able to see how people are going about their adventures.  I'm a sucker for chronology  and how people's lives are evolving as they go about their business.

So without further a do, here are seven bloggers who have inspired me and been a bloody good read:


Rika at Cubicle Throwdown ditched the office cubicle in Canada for life on the Honduras island of Roatan.  There she lives the uber-cool life of a dive instructor, enjoying meet ups with  dolphins, hammer head sharks and the occasional whale shark  Rika does a great job on highlighting the realities of expat life on a small island, showing the good, the bad and the ugly.   Plus, she comes across as pretty great person.

Jill at Battered Suitcases has shared her experiences teaching in the middle east, traveling Australia for a year and now her current move to Morrocco.  Her posts are not only insightful but some really brilliant photography.  I especially love her 'From the hip' segments, which include some great spontaneous photos from around the world.

Scarlett at scarlet in wonderland. If there is any blog that was put on the world wide web to get people out of a bad mood, this would be it.  A life style blog for those who don't take themselves too seriously, Scarlett's narrative can make the most mundane activities hilarious.  The Liverpool lady is planning on heading to Oz next year and I cannot wait to read what happens...

Alli from Illustrated adventures spent last year travelling from Shanghai to Edinburgh by land. A gifted photographer, her posts through Eurasia are incredible.  Many of the locations and sights she documents I had never heard of but makes me want to go. Badly.

Jaime at Memoirs of a Pilgrim.  When I was in Australia, I came across Jaime's blog. At the time I was looking for other foreigners living in Oz, but even with her move back to the states I am addicted to her exceptional photography and glimpses of her adventures. I was especially envious of her job with a kayaking company.

Taru at the World Tour Stories is on one hell of a journey. Sailing the world with her partner Alex, the photographer/model captures her lifestyle, travels and passions.  After reading some posts I've had a google-fueled search binge on deckhand positions in the Caribbean that has lasted hours. This blog is probably the most 'professional' blog I follow, however don't let  the glossy photos fool you.  This blog often lets slip how living the dream also has is set backs - costly refits being just one.

Charlie at the Couch Potato Chronicles, is a very good friend of mine.  One of the best people you'll ever find.  She is one of the most well traveled people I've ever met and yet, her beautifully written posts haven't even got to the independent traveler extraordinaire yet, she is still chronicling the family holidays that scarred her for life and made her the sexy beast she is today.

So there you have it, seven blogger I want to thank.  Thank you for inspiring me not only to travel, write and take photos, but also to celebrate my life and adventures.

Changing the world; one cup at a time....

It's nothing new that as human beings, we are directly shaping the earth's landscape.  Our civilizations are built on it. In my home country, from the Salisbury plains to the mega city of London, mankind has constructed on, manipulated and taken from the land to benefit our lives and expand.

And expand we have.  At 7 billion strong the human race are a success story, living in a range of climates and terrains.  Where city populations were once kept in check by ruthless viruses and diseases, medical advances have enabled people to live long, happy lives.  But as our lives take us away from nature and rural lives, we think very little about where the clothes in our wardrobe, the water from our tap and the food on our plate comes from.  We think very little (if nothing at all) about the rubbish we put in the trash and where it goes. As the supermarket aisles are full of tuna, we don't question that over fishing is a problem.  In our modern lives, we don't necessarily think about the consequences of our actions.  We blame governments, multi-national companies and even entire countries.  Its easy to look at China and give them a 'tut,' but is anyone (at least those from a western society) free to judge?  

When I think of my own carbon foot print, I feel guilt.  During my travels, I have seen some of the world's most beautiful places; the great barrier reef and the coral gardens were amazing ecosystems that showed the frailty of nature in the hands of man.  I was so blessed to see wild dingoes mingle, koala's hangout, whales breech and sharks swim.  It hurts to know my lifestyle choices could mean that the ecosystems that support them could one day collapse.  

Like a lot of people out there, I want to start making baby steps to creating a more sustainable lifestyle.  However, when you are in the middle of 'travel' (although I have been based in Queenstown for seven months now!)  its difficult to find ways of not feeling like your killing the rain forest. My life is riddled with mass consumption and wastage.  I love to drink coffee/tea  thousands of miles from where it was grown.  Everything from the supermarket is packaged and the normal produce is so expensive, I don't dare look at the organic section.  It's obvious to say I love the internet too, I dread to think have much energy my internet searches burns.

I thought about shunning society and joining a commune. But my hair is not long enough and I'm scared the other hippies would laugh at me.  

I decided on a keep cup.  What a lot of people don't know is that the 'paper' cups you get in your local Barista are in fact coated with plastic and are quite difficult to recycle.  And the world gets through a lot.  If you have at least a few cappuccinos a week, think how many cups you've used  this year.  And that's just you, what about the billions of other caffeine addicts.  I've been trying to be strict with myself, only getting a take away if my keep cup is at hand.

So yeah, it feels a little naive to say 'I'm doing my bit.' because I'm not, but it's a start to better habits.

If there is anyone out there with any helpful tips on being a little more conscious of the environment while you travel, I'd really like to here.

Saying goodbye always sucks

Today the weather in Queenstown is beautiful and surprisingly warm for a winters day, but I don't care.

 I bought a pair of snowboards boots at the Salvation army for $35. But instead of getting a boost of endorphin's that a bargain usually gives me, I feel empty.

Because today, after enjoying coffee and scones with one of my best friends, I had to say goodbye. To me, saying this one word  is the biggest downside of long term travel.  Louise is not only one of my former travel buddies but also one of my oldest and closest friends.  It was such a pleasure to cross paths with her before her return to England.  For two months I've seen her nearly every other day, meeting for coffee or taking a walk. Its funny how even though we hadn't seen each other since our East coast road trip ended in Sydney, we just picked up our friendship where we left off.  She's been a slice of home as I work out New Zealand.

I've also been so proud of her.  Travelling around Australia and New Zealand, she's a classic example of how travel can strengthen and change a person. From diving the Great barrier reef to Paragliding, she has confronted things that before terrified her.  Although always a fantastic and amazing individual, travel has made her (slightly - her sarcastic heart is still intact) more optimistic and willing to try new things.

When I went home for a few months, it felt strange that she wasn't there in Kent with me, listening to my first world problems and giving me sound advise. And now, I have no idea when I'll see her again.  After this year in New Zealand I have no idea which continent I'll end up on. I don't even know where I'll be in six months.

I don't really know how to sum up my friendship with Lou. All I know is that when I left her today, someone put a cannon ball in my gut.

Louise, see you later Alligator. x

Appreciating the here and now

This John Lennon quote often pops into my head, especially since I started this country hopping malarky. For too long I've been consumed by arriving at new destinations. Whether by plane, sea or foot, I've been working so hard to get to places, sometimes I wonder if I made the most of experiencing them.  Not this time. Not Queenstown.

As we plan to stay put for a while, I've made a conscience decision to appreciate the little things here. To watch the mountains change colour at dusk and dawn, to take note on the changing seasons and enjoy my morning tea.

But most importantly, I get to actually have a normal relationship, you know the one, where you get to  spend time together that does not involve Skype.  I get to live my life instead of waiting for it to begin.

In short, I'm going to take a deep breathe, look around me and just 'be' for a moment.

* Image from here.